Or not, as it happens.

I have made a rather startling discovery today; I CANNOT bake.  Not for love nor money or, as it turns out, cake.

I am utterly at a loss to explain this strange phenomenon.  I can cook fairly well, I can read and I can count.  Putting these simple elements together should mean I could piece together a basic Victoria Sponge whilst following a non-too-complicated recipe, should it not?

But alas.

I tried, initially, to make a really simple chocolate sponge.  Following a recipe I found on the BBC website what I made came out looking basically like two large flat biscuits.  It was chocolately, but not that impressive. It should have been this;


The best part appears to have been my daughter, who got to “clean” the bowl with her tongue.


Actually, I thought it may have been my fault for adding the cocoa powder.  I have been assured that this should not have made too  much difference.

So second I thought I’d do a nice Victoria Sponge from a recipe book I found on our bookshelf that belongs to my wife.  The book is called British Baking by Peyton and Byrne.

Well it can sod off, I can tell you.

I followed the recipe TO THE LETTER and guess what?  I had to leave it in the oven for double the alloted time, plus turn the oven temperature up.  AND IT STILL DIDN’T BASTARD WELL COOK. check out the photo.



So it appears my career as a master baker is much shorter than I would have suspected. I ended up with this though;