pretty much the same thing

I’ve been working on a theory recently, and as such have been conducting many experiments. The results of this experimentation have made me laugh more often that not. Sometimes they have just made me shake my head in disbelief.
The theory I am developing, all in my own time and at my own expense I might add, is this; that if you tell someone something – anything – with a straight face and what seems like genuine honest self belief they will probably take whatever you have said as the truth.
You really can have some fun with this.
It started when I was out walking the dog one day.
I am lucky enough to live near a wonderful area of National Trust woodland that allows me to go on long rambling dog walks through glorious forested areas and crop fields and over all sorts of terrain. You meet lots of people on these walks, many of whom have there own pooches of certain shapes and sizes. I like to call it the dog-walking fraternity; my friends just say “been dogging recently?” because they are immature.
Secretly I wish I had thought of this first.
I have a black labrador, who at time of writing is five years old and daft as a brush. I love him to bits and wouldn’t change him for the world. Okay, I’d stop him eating EVERYTHING if I could, but I can’t. He had, in his younger days and prior to the sensible purchase of a rugby ball, a propensity for carrying sticks when out on walks. Some of these are done an injustice being called simply sticks; logs would be more accurate in most cases and more than once the word tree could correctly have been applied.
On an occasion when Stanley (the aforementioned black labrador) had hold of a stick (one of the aforementioned logs) I passed three women out with a selction of about five or six dogs of varying sizes. I make an effort to say hello to people when out and about. It’s only polite, even when I follow it up by mocking them just a little.
After exchanging hellos with the ladies one of them chuckled and pointed out to the others the size of the branch being transported by the rather proud and daft looking black labrador.
I seized the opportunity.
“Yeah it’s funny; he’s always done that. Ever since he was really small. I’m not sure why. (so far this is true) But he’s always liked watching TV programmes about elephants, and you know how they move trees rolled up in their trunks? Maybe he’s just trying to copy them?” (this last bit is total bollocks).
“Really?” said the woman who had pointed it out in the first instance. “that’s amazing”.
“No of course not really. Think about it for a minute.” (Me again)
“Oh”. said the woman. They looked at each other and walked off.
But for that little moment in time they believed that a dog not only had the intellect to enjoy nature programes, specifically those about pachyderm, but could also manage to turn the TV on and change to the relevant chanel. Idiotic, really.
I have followed this up with many other similar loads of old crap, some of which has been believed, some of which has been laughed at, some frowned at and some just plain not understood.
I’m enjoying myself.
Another of my favourites is when I’m at work and people come to the till to buy a whistle I often say “you know they play different tunes, yeah?”
You’d be surprised by how many people blow them to check it sounds okay or to check what tune it is. Terrific.
So if you have the misfortune to meet me just make sure to dis-believe anything I say.

I’d like to add that I am not actually a dishonest person. I like honesty. This is all just for fun and all my made up nonsense is just for laughs. I promise.

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